I am a well dried up. The words are gone, and with them, I find I’m slowly losing my ability to function properly. It used to be that even on my worst days, if I absolutely had to interact with anyone, at least those who don’t know me well, I could plaster on a smile so believable and conversation so friendly, you’d think we’d grown up as next door neighbors. I could bullshit my way in and out of social situations with the greatest of ease, circus performers didn’t have shit on me. But now, even faking happy is taxing. I have a dozen projects I’ve started, be they things around the house, or stories, that I can’t seem, to finish. In my head, I know how to complete them, but the motivation is getting harder to come by. You can’t give it your all, when you don’t have all of yourself to give.
We’ll call it hibernation for now, because there’s some glimmer of hope deep down that I’ll pull out of this nosedive. But sometimes crash and burn sounds pretty nice. It’s better to burn out than fade away, Right? Neil Young said it, and his word’s pretty good in my book. Besides, I’m tired of feeling faded all the time.
Either way, I’ll be around. Eventually. Maybe.